babe, u just need to show up

| on not having enough time for your hobbies & showing up even in the smallest ways possible

Recently (two-weeks ago), my college reopened, and well, I started with my final year of Bachelors (econs major), and boy when I tell you it was hectic. Our timetable this year really doesn’t leave any loop-holes for us to exploit, 8am to 1pm classes everyday & mind you, 7am classes on two days. As a person who LOVES slow mornings & chit chats with my mom over a cup of tea, yeah it felt torturous, goodlord.

My after-clg schedule didn’t leave much time for me to engage with my hobbies like junk journaling or reading, because afternoon naps, going to the gym, resting & studying gained more points in the priority list. Which is good, I kinda manifested it to be that way, but it hurts to see your whimsical creative-self that LOVES to read, write, journal, dance, sing and create, just die in front of your eyes.

The past two weeks made me feel as if I was slowly spiralling down into a depressive episode. And I think the ones who have lived in the most depressive phases of their lives, are certainly scared of ever trickling back into it, like an ant who’s trying to climb over the walls of a coffee cup, scared of falling into their own demise. I genuinely panicked when I realised, that oh f*** is the monotonous-depressive vibe already here?! like clg just started omg ;-;

I had created this limiting belief in my mind, that I won’t ever be able to do the things that I love outside of studying, working out and going to college. As if a cage where I felt both claustrophobic & overstimulated (worst combo).

I tried finding time-management solutions to my problem by watching yt videos, but it always felt as if its a never ending loop that just keeps spiralling downwards. Until one day recently, I had a major epiphany.

That.. I don’t need to run-away or try to escape this clg-rest-gym-study-repeat routine, instead I need to accept it & live my life anyways. I came to the conclusion that there will never be enough time for everything. That you can’t just keep waiting for the perfect day, perfect time to arrive, for you to actually put down your phone, and pick up the book that you’ve been trying to read for the past month. There’s never gonna be the perfect day for you to go out on a solo date, catch up with your friends, post that article, edit that vlog, dance around on a sabrina carpenter song, you really just have to make it work FOR YOURSELF sweetheart or watch your life pass by. Sometimes, just showing up in the smallest ways for your own self can be immensely reassuring.

Because at the end of the day, you’re all you got, so might as well find certain solutions that actually work for you. For me, reading a good rom-com or an insightful non-fiction book, listening to the birds chirp, writing substack articles, editing my IG & Yt videos, capturing & documenting my memories in a junk journal, yapping to my mom while we sip our evening cup of tea, sending long voicenotes to my friends, is what makes life worth living. So I’ve been trying my best to find lil fragments of time to do these things, for as much time as I got, for example reading even 5 pages when I have the time, writing even one paragraph when I find myself doomscrolling on IG, romanticise cleaning my room while Charli XCX plays on full volume on spotify, etc.

And its your sole-duty to figure out what makes life worth living for you & never stop doing those things. As they say, feed your soul. Hopefully this made some sense as I kinda just typed it all out as if am making a journal entry lmao. Keep slayying & stay whimsical loves <33

Thank you for being here, remember you’re loved.

xoxo

Shreya