My relationship with creating in general, be it things, projects, something that i can admire was always flawed as a kid. I used to compare my ‘art’ a lot with my peers, always trying my best to fit-in with the standards of whatever was cool or on trend. The only time I actually loved my art was when I was doing it at my home and none of my classmates could be there to judge me.
I remember this one girl who sorta gave me a back-handed compliment regarding my diary that I had decorated with random cute phrases, doodles and used my creativity on a full-boost mode, saying “That’s the only thing I’ve liked of yours”, this had certainly triggered an inferiority complex in me and I genuinely didn’t know what to do with myself. Fortunately, she moved to another class and our interactions became very scarce. It’s been almost 8yrs since that and I’ve faced many incidents in which my inferiority complex became even more evident and started having power over my self-esteem.
The thing about creativity is, if you don’t hype yourself up and let the whimsy in your being shine… then it will come around to haunt you as the ‘wasted potential’. Back in 2022 I started healing my inferiority complex and what deeply hit my core regarding the whole “I should be valuing myself and living life as the main character whilst not comparing myself to my peers” was the real life examples of people who embodied that energy, the ones who live life like they own it, the ones who don’t have to ‘perform’ to be perceived as cool or amazing, they just exist in their own mystical way that THEY themselves found cool.
Alessia aka persephonesblood on IG was the one who introduced me to being whimsical in life and using your ‘free will’ to the best of your liking (in safe and positive ways obviously). Her IG spam stories genuinely made me feel the “yes i should be owning it all, its my life, f*** the haters” energy in my veins and this inspired me to be even more expressive about things in life.
The reality of most low self-esteem teenagers is that they never feel enough, they’re always compared, they feel unseen and as a measure to protect themselves from the embarrassment they tend to not engage or participate in a lot of things they would actually even be good at. Because our mindset is just trained to see our shortcomings despite our accomplishments. There have been so many essay, debate, drawing & painting competitions that I didn’t partake in because I thought ‘I just won’t be good at it’.
But that’s the thing, we don’t do things just because we’re good at them, sometimes we do it because we feel like it, because it enriches our experience aka our lore. You gotta learn to allow yourself to be bad at certain things & learn through your mistakes, however it’s hard to do that when all you’re constantly feeling, is inferior to your peers. Which is why I think its really important to just ignore the existence of people who tend to make you feel like shit even if just in your head and my dad always says “Remember, not all your classmates are worth being called a friend, coz a friend will prove it to you why being friends with them is a good thing with their behaviour”.
Anyways so, my creativity boosted up as I started to let go of the so-called ‘perfection’ and started embracing my ideas for both content creation and as a creative in general. It’s been 4 years since I started my studygram and the comparison instinct definitely kicked in as a beginner, (also hate how IG is ALL about numbers like give me a break ;-; ) I was constantly checking how many views my recent reel got, it all gets emotionally exhausting, when you genuinely love to create the content that would perhaps really help people, the type of content that YOU feel is the most authentic to your being and then it doesn’t get much traction thanks to the weird algorithms.
However, my friend gave me a new angle to it all (tysm for this Farha), she said “you’re creating this content not because others want you to, you’re doing this for yourself, and we live on a floating-rock what do these numbers even mean in hindsight, at the end you’re gonna be grateful that you created something YOU love and had the guts to post it”, which made me realise that YES I HAVE FREE WILL, i can literally experiment with my content and editing style WHENEVER I WANT TO and try different platforms where I can engage with a part of me that genuinely loves that hobby, for example writing here on substack, trust me I had never in my life even imagined to have so many people reading my work, am SO SO grateful to have yall here <3
So I guess all am trying to say is, life is not a race, its not something you have to win or lose, as a matter of fact you always win if you see a lesson in every perceived loss. You don’t need to feel unworthy because your painting or sketch wasn’t as good as the trained artist in your class, or because your reel didn’t get crazy views like that one influencer who preaches over-consumption as if its her job.
The only person that can make you feel seen is YOU yourself. So please take this as a sign, and start working on that one creative project that you’ve been wanting to give life to for so long.
Thank you so much for reading, remember you’re loved <33
xoxo
Shreya
Well written Shreya, I like " Just make it exist first, then make it good" Don't compare is a good advice to be taken seriously, let me practice that.
This hit me deeply, thank you for putting these emotions into words. The struggle between creating from joy vs. chasing validation is so real, especially in a world that constantly equates value with numbers. I felt every word about comparison, the fear of trying, and the quiet pain of feeling unseen. But you’re absolutely right creativity deserves freedom, not perfection. And sometimes the bravest thing is to keep showing up for yourself even when no one’s clapping. Thank you for sharing this with so much honesty. You’ve spoken for so many of us ❤️✨